


We are alive, here in death valley

by ipromisedyouareckoning



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alive Gabriel (Supernatural), Archangels, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Castiel in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Developing Friendships, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Episode: s15e20 Carry On - Barn Scene, Everyone Is Alive, Fluff in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Gabriel in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Gen, Good things happen, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Protective Gabriel (Supernatural), Protective Sam Winchester, Romantic Friendship, almost anyway, everything was beautiful and nothing hurt, i do what i want to do, kind of?, look at me this has plot, so i just started writing this because i miss gabriel, they're alive
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:01:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28947093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ipromisedyouareckoning/pseuds/ipromisedyouareckoning
Summary: • I'm either gone in an instant, or here to the b̶i̶t̶t̶e̶r̶ end. •When Dean Winchester was ready to die, Sam prayed he didn't. Against every odd, Gabriel attended that prayer and saved Dean's life. Now the archangel thinks there's something in the bunker that will help him navigate the world as an angel, now that his cover has been blown. While Sam helps him find and identify it, Dean has to find a way to work through his relationship with Cas, and their lives in general, without a script now.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Gabriel & Sam Winchester, Gabriel/Sam Winchester, and gabriel could use that, but it probably will because i do what i want, i read in the tutorial it's not romantic if you use a & instead of/, so yeah idk if it's gonna be romantic but sam is nice, yep we moved over the & we're in / territory
Kudos: 12





	1. I need your broken promises

‘I’m fading pretty quickly...’ Sam couldn’t register another word. He couldn’t process the way a routine hunt had gone this wrong. He couldn’t believe Dean was asking him to leave him to die, and he found himself praying to every entity he could think of to do something about it. Not likely, but he couldn’t think of anything else to do. And his brother was pouring his heart out but he couldn't compute, it was all just wrong. 

‘You called?’

He turned, startled, standing in front of Dean’s bleeding body, as if to shield him in his last moments. He took a step back, surprised.

‘Gabriel?’

‘I knew I’d live to see you get nailed.’

He snapped his fingers and Dean slided to the floor, apparently unharmed. The archangel held the nail on his hand and arched a brow. ‘I never took you for such a size queen.’ He threw it aside.

‘How are you alive?’ To his credit, Dean didn’t sound angry, if anything, he seemed surprised. Not that Sam would blame him. ‘How are you here?’

‘I think you’ll have to thank my nephew and your brother, respectively.’ He sighed, at their confusion. ‘When Jack entered heaven, he brought us archangels back. And you,’ he turned to Sam, ‘you were praying so loudly, I thought it had to be something important.’

‘Jack bought you back?’ Dean turned to Sam: ‘And you prayed to him?’ 

‘I prayed for anything, what was I supposed to do?’

‘For whatever’s worth, I don’t think he did it on purpose. Bring us back, that is. And of course he prayed, didn’t we have a succession of Tuesdays because he wouldn’t let you go? Get with the program, would you?

‘Well, you have killed him. Repeatedly. Told me to let go. Why the change of heart?’ It’s not like Sam wasn’t thankful for the save, but he wanted to know what was he walking into. Gabriel was keeping his distance, standing by the barn door.

‘What kind of brother would I be if i let Castiel’s main squeeze die on this dump?’ He glanced around, scrunching his nose.

This got Dean’s attention, who rose to his feet, fixing his jacket. ‘Cas, is he...?’

‘Alive, yes. I think he’s feeling rather shy, though. I bet you wouldn’t know the reason for that, huh?’ He winked at Dean, making him wonder if dying on a rusty nail would have been so bad after all. ‘Anyway, can we get out of here? I get you may find the smell of vampire corpses reassuring, but as for me...’

They got into the car, Gabriel on the backseat with the kids, which didn’t seem to amuse him. Dean drove in silence, his mind racing with questions. Cas was alive, but hadn’t shown up since he’d summoned the empty to save him. Since he’d spoken the words that seemed to sum up his happiness. How long had he been back? He eyed Gabriel through the mirror, determined to get his answers as soon as they were in the bunker. Sam was beside him, nervously bouncing his right leg. He wondered how much had he inferred from Gabriel’s words. He hadn’t had an occasion to explain to him how exactly had Cas died. Or a reason, for that matter.

They dropped off the kids in a precinct inside the city, and Gabriel proceeded to lie down on the backseat. Dean turned on the radio and opened his mouth to question him, but Sam beat him to it.

‘So, were you actually dead this time?’

‘As dead as we get, yes. Michael’s blade through the heart, out of body moment, the acclaimed Empty, the whole shebang.’ He yawned, for theatricality more than anything. ‘Does that lift a weight off your shoulders? Because now I couldn’t have helped even if I’d wanted?’ He halfheartedly kicked Dean’s seat.

‘I didn’t...’

‘How long has he been back? How long have you been back?’ Dean interrupted.

‘A week or so? Things are still mushed up here.’ He rested a hand on his forehead. ‘The empty was supposed to be the eternal rest. It was just loud enough to jamble my sense of time.’

‘But you’re okay now, right?’ Sam cut in.

‘I’m fantastic, or I’ll be soon enough.’ He rolled to face away from them, putting an end to the conversation.

Dean took a deep breath, stopping the Impala and nodding curtly before exiting. He was joined by Sam, who was sporting his certified concerned stare. He waited for him to say something, but he enveloped him on his arms. He was about to make some comment about it, but swallowed it. Sam had seen him at death’s door again, after all. He let himself relax into it, and then Sam was pushing him away to stare at him.

‘What was that whole ‘accept death as it comes’ act?’

‘Sam...’

‘What was all that about dying and what was supposed to happen? What happened to ‘honour their sacrifices?’, huh?’ 

‘Sam.’ He eyed the car, next to which Gabriel was stretching, seemingly oblivious to the conversation. Sam gave him a significant stare and followed him into the bunker. At the table, they were joined by Gabriel, whose gaze lingered in Dean but didn’t say anything, forcing him to break the silence.

‘Did Jack bring Cas back too?’

‘How should I know? I haven’t precisely presented for rollcall in heaven. You could ask him, you know.’

‘Do you know where he is, Gabriel?’ Sam asked.

‘No, I’ve only got some information from angel radio.’ He turned to Dean, who eluded his stare. ‘You could pray to him, though.’

‘When you said the archangels were back,’ Sam said cautiously, ‘You mean all of them?’

‘Don’t worry, vessel boy, I’m sure Raphael and Michael are making quick work of Lucifer as we speak, if they haven’t already.’

‘And yet, you’re here.’ Dean spat.

‘For your convenience, apparently.’ He smirked. ‘Don’t get me wrong, I’m here on business. There is something I need from this bunker. I...’

‘Great. Make it quick, because you’re leaving in the morning’ Dean cut, getting up and leaving the room.

Gabriel made a face at his back and turned to face Sam.

‘What do you need?’

‘It’s important, and it’s here. I assume you have more knowledge on your inventory than your brother, so I could use some help.’  
‘Do you even know what is it?’ He paused. After all, he’d spent more time pouring over the archives of the Men of Letters. ‘How important is it?’

‘Let’s see, not like my Horn of Truth important but more important than that book your witch friend had.’

‘Rowena’ Sam lowered his gaze, then realised both items Gabriel had mentioned were weapons.or weaponisable, if nothing else. ‘Are you in trouble?’

‘Just in the trouble called all angels are returning to heaven, from where I’m still as good as banned, and my cover’s been blown.’ He said, lightly.

Sam couldn’t help feeling at least a bit guilty. They had just done their part to try and prevent the end of the world, but in the process they’d gotten the angel killed. In the end, they’d gotten everyone killed, but that was besides the point. 

‘I will help you look. You can stay in the meantime, don’t listen to Dean, we’ve reinforced the guards.’

‘I don’t tend to listen to men who can’t realise they’ve got the Eiffel Tower shoved up their arse.’

Sam laughed, despite himself, and then realised they hadn’t hadn’t had the time to wash the writing off the walls in the room he’d previously occupied. Keeping this in mind, he’d lead him towards the room that’d been Jack’s.


	2. Between elation and success

Dean paced his room. Gabriel saying Castiel was alive was one thing, him believing it and, furthermore, calling upon him, was different. Still, Gabriel had said Cas was shy. Was he reluctant about what he’d said? He thought back on the words he used. The different meanings they could have and how he said he knew he couldn’t have what he wanted. It was a lot, so he closed his eyes and decided to keep his prayer simple.

‘Cas, if you are alive, if you can hear me… I get it if you don’t want to talk, or if you can’t right now. I would just like to see you.’

He waited a fraction of a second and opened his eyes, to Castiel standing in front of him. He had a small smile on his face, but looked circumspect at best. Dean closed the distance, grabbing him by the shoulders.

‘Cas, you’re alive? What the hell?’ He frowned, but couldn’t keep it up, and found himself pulling the angel in for a hug that was hesitantly returned. ‘What did I say about not doing the dying thing again?’ Despite his words, his voice was soft and Cas could only hear him because of their proximity.

He took a step back: _‘Where_ have you been?’

‘I didn’t know you wanted to see me.’

‘What are you talking about? I’ll always want to see you, Cas. You are my best friend, you’re family. And, what you said...’ His words faltered. He’d thought it’d be easy once he was sure the angel was alive. It wasn’t.

‘What I said, Dean, I don’t mean fraternal love.’

Dean scoffed, taking a look around, and then focused on the angel’s eyes, convincing himself he was more brave than he felt. ‘No, you better don’t mean fraternal love.’

He held his gaze for a moment that felt endless, he could see the gears turning behind his friend’s eyes, now squinting at him, and it was the familiarity he needed. Holding his face, he pulled him close and pressed a short kiss to his lips. He felt Castiel freeze under his touch, and took in his stunned face when they broke apart. Cas was looking at him with something that placed in the middle of caution and desire.

‘I... I didn’t think. I mean, I didn’t know you felt this way.’ His voice was low and he finished the sentence almost like a question. It made something squirm inside of Dean’s chest. Sure, he wasn’t the best at expressing his feelings, or recognising them for that matter, but had Cas really thought their relationship was identical to the brotherhood he shared with Sam?

‘Well, you didn’t give me much time to come up with an answer.’ He let out an ironic laugh. ‘Cas, you cannot say you can’t have me. You have for a while, I just… I guess I’m not sure what goes next.’

‘That’s alright’ He raised his hand to hold Dean’s bicep. ‘We’ve always been good at figuring it out.’ He gave him a smile that only reassured Dean on whatever their deal was.

They stood there for a while, despite what Castiel had said, these were uncharted waters. He took a step forward, shifting his grip to the hunter’s elbow, and ever so slowly joined their mouths again with a gentleness that wasn’t surprising, but was close enough to doubt for Dean to want to erase any uncertainty in the angel’s mind. He held the back of his head close, his other hand finding its way to his waist. Cas’ lips were soft on his, and then they weren’t. 

Something shifted, it was on his free arm raising to hold Dean closer, not so much as to prevent him from stepping away as it was to prove himself this was real. It was on the careful dam he’d built around his feelings that was now coming undone, on the way his approach became more demanding. He pressed forward looking for the pressure of the hunter’s body on his, personal space be damned, filling his senses with Dean; the warmth of his skin bleeding through his shirt, the scent of gunpowder and a vague taste of blood filling his nose, faint remains of grace… grace. 

Against his strongest wishes, he pushed him away. ‘You were hurt.’ He frowned. ‘Badly.’ It would sound threatening if he didn’t look so guilty

‘It wasn’t...’

‘An angel had to heal you.’ His expression changed. ‘An archangel?’

‘Yes, Gabriel’s here.’

‘Gabriel’s here? He’s alive, _again_?’

‘It’s kind of a long story, can I tell you over a couple of beers?’

‘You were going to let a vampire kill you?’

‘Mimepire.’ He gave Cas an incredulous look. ‘Did you hear the part where i said the archangels are back? All of them?’

‘I heard you, yes. Do you know where they are? Raphael?’

‘Are you concerned about Raphael out of the bunch?’

‘We know where Gabriel is. Michael and Lucifer are probably going at it wherever they are. Yes, I’m worried about Raphael.’

‘We’ve taken him before. You’ve taken him before.’ He corrected himself. ‘We’ve seen archangels die.’

‘I don’t mean… Raphael was misguided back then. As was I. Do you think it will come back to the same thing this time?’ Dean knew Castiel didn’t enjoy seeing his brothers die, much less taking part in it, but he also knew better than to trust angels, present company excluded. 

‘Hey, we’ll find him if he causes any trouble.’ He changed his tone to begrudgingly add. ‘Or if he is in trouble.’ He reached for Cas’ hand, sharing a look with him.

‘So, Gabriel thinks… Cas, you’re here!’ As Sam walked into the room, his eyes did linger on their joined hands but they quickly focused on Castiel, as he made his way to give him a fast hug.

‘How is our new resident archangel settling in?’ Dean asked, passing him a drink.

‘Punishing angels in his newly installed gaming system.’ His tone was amused, but it didn’t even get a scoff from Dean, who seemed deep in thought.

‘Think we could hook him onto the monster radar?’

‘You’re talking about an archangel, Dean, not a wood nymph.’

Dean shrugged. Sure, he’d saved his life, and last time they’ve seen him he was dying to give them a change to protect the world, this time for real, but he’d still killed him on uncountable occasions.

‘Still think we could try, we gotta find Lucifer and Michael sooner or later. And Raphael.’

‘If this is your best idea we might just give up already.’

Dean was about to say something back, but Cas beat him to it. ‘I don’t think it’s even a similar type of magic. What is he doing here?’

‘He needs some kind of incantation from the Men of Letters’ archives.’

‘An incantation?’ Dean sounded unconvinced.

‘Did he say what did he want it for?’

‘Protection.’

‘Like Rowena wanted the Black Grimoire?’

‘We’re talking about Gabriel, who would he even try to resurrect?’ Cas intervened, having heard the story. 

‘I’m not saying he will specifically use it to blackmail death.’

‘Give it a break, he said the few angels left on earth are all going back to heaven now that they have a new leader, while he cannot do the same, and you know some of the Norse are probably still after him.’

‘Great, more god complex freaks.’

‘’Point is, you cannot make him leave tomorrow, not after he saved us in Apocalypse World.’

‘And you...’ He thought about it again, and turned to Castiel for support, who seemed to be on the fence, settling for a half hearted retort instead. ‘Have you noticed your hair fluffs up when you take control like that?’

Sam left the room, looking exasperated, which gave Cas a chance to follow Dean back to his room without having to answer questions, as soon as he finished his drink. He left himself be guided into bed and felt something in his chest flutter when he laid next to Dean. He waited until he was sure the hunter was sound asleep and only then allowed himself to thread his fingers through his short blond hair, half entranced by the contact. Yes, he could have. He just wasn’t sure as to which extent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isn't a filler chapter but kindof felt like one.


	3. Everyone's trying everyone's shinning

Sam carried a pile of books to the table, passing half of them to Gabriel. If they were looking for an enchantment, they’d have better luck starting with books, he reasoned. Not that he knew a lot about what he was looking for, or that there weren’t some spellbound objects, but it was a place to start. Gabriel had been flipping through some graphic novel and seemed surprised. 

‘Do you know what type of spell we’re looking for?’

‘Yes.’ The angel drew a series of symbols in the air, on golden fire. ‘Writings as old as the angel tablet. If you see something like this you’ll know it.’

Sam observed the writing, committing it to memory. Then he had to ask ‘So, does that mean your grace is fully back?’

‘Kind of fully back. Glad I probably won’t be needing it to fight, though.’ He didn’t seem to want to talk about it, and vanished the symbols with a dismissive gesture. 

‘Well, these are all about old angelic work.’ Sam was fast to change the subject, thinking Gabriel probably didn’t want to talk about his grace, what after everything that had gone down. ‘Should be a good place to start.’

‘Of course.’ Gabriel opened a rather yellowish volume. ‘Where is Castiel? And where’s your brother?’

‘They left early for a supply run.’

‘Right.’

They read in relative silence until lunch time rolled over and Castiel and Dean were still out, when Sam put down his book and went make himself a sandwich. He read Dean’s text telling him they’d be late and they were fine and shoved the phone back in his pocket. Supply run, he thought, sure. He knew Castiel disliked eating as an angel, but he’d seen Gabriel eat before, so he made him a sandwich too. The gesture seemed to surprise him, but he gladly stopped the research for a lunch break. When they were done, he squinted at the books left on the table.

‘What do you say we change our approach? Maybe find some cursed objects or something. If I have to read another line in aramaic I’ll personally deliver myself to Sigyn, or any taker really.’

This made Sam chuckle; the images of Gabriel dead on Apocalypse world, or curled in his room after Asmodeus’ treatment were still on his mind, and he found himself appreciating the joke. ‘And cursed objects are so much better, right?’

Regardless, they found themselves in one of the storage rooms rummaging through the boxes. Sam took the chance to ask about Sigyn, and whatever reason she’d have to want Gabriel dead. Turns out, Norse widows can be vindictive. Gabriel changed the subject quickly when he found an old witches’ ladder he decided to wear as a garland around his neck, amusing Sam and making him apprehensive at the same time, as he tried to get it off the angel.

It was around four when they heard the bunker’s door opening and stopped examining a Prognosticator that seemed in surprisingly good shape for something all the way from the XIV century. They entered the room as Dean was restocking their fridge with Castiel’s help. Sam was glad to see him more adjusted in the bunker. He’d feared the angel would go back to Heaven with Jack, but his worries were probably unjustified.

That night, Dean made burgers and it almost felt like he stopped resenting Gabriel as they sat around the table. Sam humoured Dean’s facade of a supply run, asking if they’d run into any trouble. They didn’t, but Jody’d called about a pack of werewolves passing through South Dakota. Sam saw Gabriel avoid his eyes as he described the situation, and was relieved when Dean said he’d take them with Cas’ help, even if he knew it was his way of keeping Gabriel supervised.

After dinner, he pulled him aside, while Cas stayed in the kitchen with Miracle and Gabriel disappeared into the library.

‘Sam, about what I said in that barn...’

‘You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I’ve lost hope before too.’

‘Well, I want you to know I’m fine.’

‘Sure.’ He said, in a half ironic tone. His gaze drifted to the kitchen’s door, and he added in a more reflexive tone: ‘Sure you are.’

Dean silenced him with a stare, and he was fine with it. He knew his brother, and he knew he’d tell him about it when he was ready. Probably, anyway. 

The next day, they’d barely done three hours of reading when Gabriel closed the book he was looking through and stared at the table thoughtfully before speaking.

‘I appreciate you helping me look, you know.’

‘It’s no problem, Gabriel.’ Sam put down his book, sensing there was something that wasn’t being said.

‘I mean it, Samson, you could be out there decapitating werewolves or whatever...’

‘Believe me, I don’t want to be getting in the way of those two.’ He then paused. He didn’t mind Gabriel, he was good company, actually, but he wasn’t up for discussing his brother’s issues with him, like the angel wasn’t going to tell him about his issues in heaven. Not yet, at least, he thought. He changed the topic. ‘Also, I’m finally getting to catalogue all the stuff here. Don’t think I could have gotten Dean to help me.’ He laughed.

While Gabriel smiled at that, he still avoided looking at his face. Moments like these made Sam think there was something up with Gabriel’s presence there. Still, he couldn’t convince himself to kick him out. Maybe he wasn’t being completely honest, but Sam couldn’t think of a real reason to suspect him. Had he wanted to make a powergrab for heaven, he’d had enough time while Chuck was gone. Hell? He just didn’t think he wanted to go anywhere around hell anytime soon. 

Gabriel snapped his fingers and materialised a boardgame in the table between them. It startled Sam, but he still noticed the way his face flinched like it took him more effort he’d thought.

‘A boardgame?’ he sounded incredulous.

‘It’s not a boardgame, it’s Pandemic, Sam.’ He paused. ‘Cataloguing and organising is all good, but you probably hadn’t had a day off since before I showed up.’

‘I don’t… We don’t really do ‘days off’’

‘Oh, if your brother’s vibes were any indication before he left, he’d disagree.’ He wiggled his eyebrows.

‘Did you read Dean’s mind? Wait, are you reading mine?’

‘Not on purpose, he’s a loud thinker. And you’re usually not.’ 

‘Usually.’

‘I’m not spying on you, Samuel. I can’t blame you for not trusting me, though.’

‘I don’t...’ He stopped himself. Whatever he was going to say, it was obvious he had his doubts, and Gabriel could probably feel it. He went for honesty. ‘Well, there’s things you’re not telling me, of course.’

‘I’m an archangel, if I had to tell you everything I know or think I’d be better off killing the both of us. Here, why don’t you shuffle these cards?’

Sam examined the cards, realising they were cities from all over the world, while Gabriel set out the groups of colourful cubes. He tried talking himself out of it, but in the end he spoke:

‘Well, you could tell me some.’ The archangel stopped fidgeting with a blue tile marked with some sort of spiral and raised his eyes to meet Sam’s, who shrugged. ‘It doesn’t have to be everything, it doesn’t have to be about this spell, it doesn’t have to be important.’

‘Oh, you know I’m an open book.’ He winked. Then, more seriously, added. ‘Does that mean I get to ask questions?’

Sam was rather taken aback, he was not expecting Gabriel to want to ask anything, but he guessed it made sense to make it an exchange. He agreed and, for a moment, they just stared at the board between them.

‘Let’s start off simple, how do we play this?’

Gabriel sighed, probably relieved at the easy question. He leaned forward, reaching a hand towards Sam’s forehead, who leaned back on the chair and out of his reach.

‘Come on, I’ll just give you the rules.’

‘Or you could just tell me. I’m a fast learner.’

‘Sure, whatever.’ The archangel gave in after giving Sam a weird look. ‘Would you actually shuffle the cards for starters?’

Sam was, in fact, a fast learner, and they were choosing characters in no time. 

‘Okay, my turn, when were you sick for the last time?’

‘What? Why?’

‘That’s a joke, kind of. Whoever was sick most recently gets the first turn, but angels don’t get sick, so that’s you anyway.’

‘Well, it’s been some time.’

This made Gabriel smile. They finished a game, their previous conversation seemingly forgotten, focusing on preventing outbreaks and curing the disease. They lost but it was entertaining; so much Sam was surprised to see they’d been playing for about an hour. He stood up, still laughing at the disastrous result, while Gabriel had still his head buried in his hands:

‘We killed everyone, Sam.’ He chuckled, and then realised Sam had gotten up. ‘Right, we should get to unboxing more ancient artifacts.’

‘I was actually thinking we could go get takeout. But of course, this spell is important, I’ll...’

‘Oh, you’re not actually suggesting I’d oppose getting takeout, are you?’

They went into the garage, and Gabriel selected the car that would take him the least grace to get into shape, which turned out to be a red Mitsubishi Celeste. As Sam started it, he turned to Gabriel.

‘How do you eat, by the way? Doesn’t it all taste like...’

‘Molecules? Yep. But I can deactivate the angel mouth, call it an archangel perk. Can’t imagine walking this wretched earth without maple and bacon donuts.’ He gave Sam a casual look and then leaned towards him, inspecting him. ‘You _have_ had one, right, kiddo?’

‘I don’t eat bacon, no.’

‘Oh, poor disgraced soul.’ He fell back on his seat, with a devastated expression. ‘Is it some kind of orthorexic obsession?’

‘What? No. Also, isn’t it my turn to ask?’

‘Oh, so now we’re taking turns.’ He raised his right brow jokingly.

Instead of waiting for Sam to ask something, he stared out the window and told him about the time he’d found Loki in his imprisonment. Sam told him what went down with Amara and Chuck and how they thought it’d be alright after they talked out their differences. Sam got a chicken lettuce wrap and Gabriel a box of s’more cupcakes. On the way back, they exchanged stories about hunting and whatever you do as an archangel on earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i k n o w they didn’t start making the mitsubishi celeste until like twenty years after the men of letters died but i like that car so that’s what they get, don’t fact check me, i can resurrect gabriel, i can give them a celeste from the 75. and her name is viki. have you catched up on my unability to name chapters? yea, sucks. this is very sam/gabriel. maybe next chapter i can include more destiel? idk, what do you say in end notes? thanks for reading lol leave a kudo. kudos. a kudos. hey.


	4. Of angels choking on their halos

The hunt had gone well and, as they drove back to Jody’s place, a feeling of relief washed over Dean. After everything they’d gone through, after all the times something had gone wrong, it was nice to have a go at a regular case with no serious injuries. He looked over at Cas, who returned his smile. After a moment, he reached for Cas’ hand, who lifted their joined hands as if he was examining them. He didn’t say anything until they reached their destination, humming along to the music. 

Not everything had been said, of course. Things had been pretty much the same. The previous day Cas had been happy to see Claire again, just like he was. He was also glad Kaia didn’t seem to be holding that time he’d pointed a gun at her over him. Regardless, they’ve been rather busy catching up to talk about personal matters. Still, he could feel Cas’ eyes lingering on him, and he wondered just for how long they’d be able to dance around it. 

He didn’t dwell on it, though, what with getting the time to chance to talk to Alex and try and help Patience navigate the whole Psychic thing. Not that she actually needed much, she was adapting just fine, but he did wish Sam would have tagged along, being that he was the one with premonition experience. Someone’s gotta keep an eye on Gabriel, he reminded himself. That’s the same thing he’d told Jody when she asked that afternoon over lunch.

It had been a good day. Claire had pulled her own weight on the hunt, as expected, the werewolf incident seemingly behind her, though she seemed affected when she heard about Mick. He suspected having Kaia back helped take the edge off. Not that he was going to mention it. He was happy for them, but he could feel her eyes trailing on Cas and him, and even if she didn’t know for sure about their recent developments, he thought it better to carry on with some sort of truce regarding personal relationships. Thus, steering away from those matters, the conversation flowed comfortably. He found himself feeling reluctantly sorry to go back, but made a purpose to visit more often.

As they drove back to the bunker, the way things were pretty much the same started to sink in him. Was this what Cas had been afraid he couldn’t have? Not that he was complaining but, well, he didn’t know he wasn’t complaining. 

‘Are you alright?’

‘I am, Dean, this was an easy hunt.’

‘Yeah, look I mean...’

‘I know what you meant. And I am ’

‘Alright. If you’re fine. But if you’re not, you need to tell me what’s going on, and you need to tell me what you want.’

‘Dean, you’re not understanding this.’ He paused, trying to put it into words. ‘Angels aren’t supposed to want, aren’t supposed to ask for anything.’

‘Yeah,’ he thought about it for a while, and it did make sense. Not that it made it any better. ‘Well, I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to do this either.’ Taking his eyes off the road for a moment, he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on the angel’s cheekbone, which got him to smile a bit.

‘So you can tell me about it.’ He continued. ‘Hell, with all the killing and dying we’ve done, I don’t think something else is going to happen.’

He focused on the road, just in case he was tempting fate for saying so, and drove in silence until Castiel spoke.

‘So, can I tell people? That we’re… together, like this?’

‘Who you wanna tell, Sam?’

‘Yes. And my brother, Gabriel. He’s staying with us at the moment.’

‘Right. We’ll do it when we get back.’

That had been unexpected. And it’s not like Dean thought Sam would mind, but he never thought he’d be having any conversation of the sort with him. He never thought he’d get anyone, what with the life they led. And then, Gabriel; sure he was Cas’ brother and it would make things simpler during his stay, but he didn’t feel like giving details about his life to an archangel. He was so deep in thought he almost missed it when the angel spoke again.

‘And we could go out. Like couples do.’

‘Sure, I’m taking you to all the joints in Lebanon.’

‘What do you want?’

Dean fell silent. What did he want. Right, and why was it that hard to even think about it. He wasn’t keen on exploring that, but the other option was answering the question.

‘I want you, Cas. I mean it, all the way.’

A silence. 

‘You mean, like...’ The angel thought about the words.

‘No! Yes, no. Wait, I mean yeah I guess but that’s not what I meant. I mean I, I mean I never thought about that kind of thing. Never had the chance I guess. Never thought you’d be into that kind of human emotions, to be honest.’

‘You thought about it?’

‘I thought about what this would be like.’ Dean said, eyes on the road. He didn’t think he’d ever admit to pining, but he wanted Castiel to see he appreciated his honesty. He took a look on the rearview mirror and parked on the side of the road. ‘Thought about what it could be like.’

‘You thought about stopping the car halfway to the bunker to have a talk.’

‘I’ He stopped as he realised Cas was joking, gracing him with a small smile. ‘Not that I’m complaining but I didn’t.’ 

‘I think I like it.’ He turned to look at him, his back facing the window.

A moment passed. Dean leaned in, cupping the angel’s face with his hand. It wasn’t uncomfortable, the atmosphere felt expectant, if anything. Castiel leaned into the touch, enjoying the hunter’s warmth and his relaxed expression, covering his hand with his own. It felt like some sort of convergence. Yes, they both wanted things they could not name, but they would find a way around it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of short and weird //like me//. my job and classes are kicking my arse lol.

**Author's Note:**

> look i bingewatched like five seasons in less than a month and i'm tired. i also miss gabriel, he's cool. maybe i should change the title? also if you know me from my bajokes fic ik i need to update but this is no joke the first thing i write in almost a year so, yeah. spite is a powerful thing. maybe i'll update my batjokes fic sooon? sorry i know xd


End file.
